Errol Pierre-Louis |
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10 Strangest Gearlog Posts by Errol Pierre-Louis Our beloved intern, Errol Pierre-Louis, will be with us for only a couple more weeks; he insists on going back to college for his senior year, though we've tried to convince him he'd be better off staying here and working for us for no money. Ah, youth. At any rate, he decided to pore over some historical and recent Gearlog entries and pick out the ones he thought were the oddest, dumbest, and most far-fetched: No easy task, I assure you. Here they are, in no particular order. Thanks, Errol!--CM This isn't so much a dumb gadget as it is a gadget for dummies too lazy to figure out how to work a real yo-yo. A.K.A. me. The Power Brain XP's smart switch makes your yo-yo automatic. It's sort of like learning to ride a bike with someone else working the pedals and holding it steady for you. Twitching Robot Tree Students in China were using these microscopic earphones for hi-tech cheating. The problem was that the earphones pierced through eardrums or exploded and blew bloody holes in users' abdomens. Know what, give me an "F." I'd rather keep my hearing and abdomen intact, thank you very much. Wal-Mart Tries To Be MySpace and Friendster The Hub is Wal-Marts' own social networking site for kids and teens… that doesn't let you send e-mails or communicate with other users in any way, and screens all content, then reports everything you do to your parents. Somewhere there's a high-school kid wearing rainbow suspenders over a Christmas sweater tucked into his high-water slacks with an Alfalfa haircut looking at the Wal-mart Hub Web site and saying, "Man, that's lame." TP and Tunes for Your Bunghole This post is about toilet-paper word puzzles and a music-playing toilet-tissue dispenser… Yep, no punchline needed. The SpyPhone: Keep Sneaky Tabs on Friends and Loved Ones I like this company's "you can use our products for shifty purposes and we're proud of it" attitude, but the Spyphone requires two things to work: A) a person warped enough to think nothing of spending $1,832 to eavesdrop on conversations B) a person willing to accept the phone from person A and use it to replace they're main cell phone. If your victim's that dumb, couldn't you just have easily duped them with a pair of novelty glasses and a fake moustache? The Neck Fan: Thank You, Kmart It's been over two months since Gearlog posted about this neck/ventilation accessory, and the makers of the iFan haven't been sued over their blatant iPod design rip off so far, that we know of. Jeremy thought it was dumb because, well, there's just not that many sweaty necks to need one. I think it's one of those functional fashion atrocities, the sort of thing you'd find in the fanny pack and sneaker-phone aisle of your nearest department store. Got the Time? Sure, on my Digital Clock T-Shirt Ironic t-shirt logos are bad enough. Now THIS? Not only is a clock t-shirt you'd have to take off to actually look at the time pretty useless, but this shirt would be really annoying for girls to wear. Last thing you want to do is give skeevy guys an excuse to stare: "What? I was just checking the time. For every second of the last 30 minutes..." How do you get over a failed relationship and $170,000 in credit card debt? Turn your apartment into the Starship Enterprise! Why fight tears when you could be pretending to fight the Borg instead. Hum Along to Your Favorite Songs This post is less Gearlog than it is Penthouse Forum: the OhMiBod is an iPod-compatible personal vibrator. My journalistic integrity prevents me from resorting to cheesy puns loaded with distasteful sexual innuendo, so I'll let the makers of the OhMiBod do it for me: "Listening to your favorite sexy music and actually feeling the corresponding vibes quickly transports you to a place where music, mind and body truly 'come' together." |